Faults and Concerns in Alphabetical Order
by theAkuRokuFaNaTiC
Summary: A list of problems concerning the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, as revised by the United States of America.  USUK


-The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

-A List of Faults and Complaints (In Alphabetical Order, No Less), As Written By Former Lovers, Past Flames, Children, Concerned Friends, and Siblings.

**A.** Angry. "As if _this_ isn't obvious enough; he'll never let you have _one_ happy moment in your entire life, while you're with him!" -India, 1858.

**B. ** Boring. "Angleterre's the most dull person, especially in bed. You never even get to do anything exciting when it comes to _those_ sorts of things." -France, 1799.

**C. ** Criticizing. "It doesn't matter if you slave over a hot pot _all_ day, making the best meal made with the best tomatoes you've ever harvested, there's _always_ something wrong with them! Either you didn't cook them right, or they're too sour, or they just taste terrible!" -Spain, 1384.

**D. ** Deranged. "Something about that strange magic of his . . ." -Belize, or the British Honduras, 1865.

**E. ** Extra Boring. "Seriously, I'm a sexy guy!" -France, 1799.

**F. ** Fun-Sucker. "That jerk England never lets me play with his stupid books whenever Su-Papa makes me visit him!" -Sealand, 2008.

**G. ** Grouchy. "Sometimes, he didn't even listen to me! He just hit me without any warning or reasoning, and he has a _really_ good back-hand, and it hurt really bad! He's just mean!" -Denmark, 1812.

**H. ** Hateful. "I like pretty much everyone, but England's pretty hard to like, especially when he's yelling at you half the time! I don't even know why he still wants to talk to me, because it seems like he _really_ doesn't like me at all sometimes!" - Northern Italy, 1915.

**I. **Ignorant. "When you're trying to make a point with him, he won't even listen to a word you're saying!" -Mexico, 1973.

**J. ** Jeering. "Honestly, I think he just _loves_ to see someone fall down the stairs so that he can laugh at their pain and misfortune. -Turkey, 1724.

**K. ** Kinky. "And when you finally _do_ get him in bed, he gets _so_ dirty it's not even funny! Well, it kind of is, but then things just become a mess, and it's not even romantic anymore. But who am I to complain? That's a good thing!" -France, 1799.

**L. **Lame. "He's a downer." -Norway, 1905.

**M. ** Maniacal. "He's cute and all, but I think he's crazy! He's always yelling about something, like a 'Flying Mint Bunny'!" -Belgium, 1172.

**N. ** Not A Nice Guy. "I love Dad, but he always forgets my name and never even notices when I'm around. And when he does, he thinks I'm America. And then he yells at me a lot, but no one's really listening to me right now, anyway." -Anonymous, ?.

**O. ** Oblivious. "He doesn't even get it when someone's coming on to him!" -Netherlands, or Holland, 1688.

**P. ** Pugnacious. "Whenever you say something to him, he always thinks that someone's picking a fight with him! He almost punched me once!" -Ukraine, 1992.

**Q. ** Quick To Anger. "You don't even have to _say_ anything to him; he always thinks that you are saying something rude about him. And, he's just _mean_!" -China, 1637.

**R. ** Rigid. "Sometimes, he's as sexy as sexy can get (except for me, naturally), and other times he acts like a constipated grandmother in bed! I mean, he pretends that he doesn't even know what he's doing, but you _know_ he does!" -France, 1799.

**S. ** Sadistic. "Even when he was on my side, I had this strange feeling that he wished for me to be shot." -Austria, 1745.

**T. ** Tipsy. "I took him out for _one_ drink, just one, and he got completely wasted in a matter of minutes!" Germany, 1990.

**U. ** Uppity. "Of course I respect anyone who can hold themselves in dignity, but England-san has a tendency to take that dignity to a whole new level altogether! I'm quite certain that he thinks that he's better than everyone, though that may actually be true . . ." Japan, 1613.

**V. ** Vindictive. "I think he, like, remembers everything that everyone's done to him and totally holds a grudge so that he can cast one of his really scary spells on you later! I mean, he's the type of person to get the best kind of revenge, which is, like, really scary and totally not cool!" Poland, 1814.

**W. ** What A Whore! "He sells himself out to anyone who'll take him! But I guess everyone can't be as steadfast as the Awesome Me!" Prussia, 1731.

**X. ** EX-Boyfriend. (Herein is an extensive list of quotes that the topic, otherwise known as the United Kingdom, used to end relations with his lovers; please refer to above quotations that correspond with the dates):

- "And just _why_ should _you_ be the only happy one in this relationship?" (**1858**); "I am _not_ boring; your ego's just too loud for you to hear anyone else!" (**1799**); "I don't care how hard you worked on those tomatoes because they _still_ came out horribly! And you whine too much!" (**1384**); "No, you're not. (**1799**); "Why, may I ask, should I listen to you, considering that everything you say makes no sense whatsoever?" (**1812**); "I only yell at you so that you might say something intelligent once in a while." (**1915**); "I don't listen because _I'm_ right." (**1973**); "It's only funny because _you're_ the one falling down the steps (**1724**); "I thought you _wanted_ me to be exciting in bed?" (**1799**); "And you're a git." (**1905**); "They exist, and you know it!" (**1172**); "No, I just don't want to even _think_ about sleeping with someone like _you_." (**1688**); "I would never punch a woman, but you honestly are too sensitive for your own good." (**1992**); "Say what you will, but insulting my cooking _was_ rude!" (**1637**); "And _how_ would you know what a constipated grandmother's like?" (**1799**); "That's because I did." (**1745**); "German beer is much stronger than British rum, and you know it!" (**1990**); "You don't quite get it, do you? I'll let you chew on that." (**1613**); "I do remember what everyone's done to me so that I may plan their slow and painful death, much like I am planning yours." (**1814**); "Oh, no; I cost money." (**1731**). *

**Y. ** Yappy. "That little brat _never_ shut up when we were little! He was always going on about how he was going to tell Mumsy on us." Ireland, 1798.

**Z. ** Zany. "And I thought _I_ was crazy!" Russia, 1553.

* "No, you are." (**1553**).

_Dear Britain, _

_If you ever find this list, don't listen to it. You're the most awesome, best, cool, delightful, energetic, funny, gracious, helpful, intelligent, joking, kind, lovable, magnificent, nice, open-minded, perfect, quietly loving, regal, sweet, terrific, understanding, vivacious, wonderful, e_**x**_traordinary, youthful, zealous person that I will ever know and have the pleasure of loving._

_Love you, Babe,_

_United States of America._


End file.
